Poetical thoughts....

Last night I went to 'Word for Word', A monthly poetry shindig in the East End of London hosted by Kat Francois. This month's event made me think on and explore poetry deeper to say the least.

The bill consisted of (yet was not limited to) poems of revolution, street culture, love, hostels, identity and more. With a wide range of performers ranging from a loud Scotsman to a not so loud American, 2 lesbians and an unashamed father speaking of a detailed sexual fantasy (while his 11/12 year old son was looking on from the crowd), all in all there was a lot to ponder on.

I found it interesting that some performers advertised their lifestyles without shame or apology, while some used sentiment and sympathy as their tools to ‘minister’ to mindsets. Other poems spoke deeply to me and made me think about what I was doing with my life. Was I giving myself to the very world system I'd spoken so much against? Had I forgotten the very reason I decided to work in the world? All this left me with a challenge to reassess my purpose and ministry.

The resident poet for the night was Tschaka Campbell. He inspired me in different ways from the norm. It wasn't his subject matter so much as how he said things. His metaphors and those things which you didn't get at first process but you knew were genius. His pain, frustration and feeling in some of what he was saying. How he got to grips with his subject matter, choosing to write what was in his heart without seeking to be too clever.

The interesting thing was, I didn't agree with everything he said, but I can't say I disagreed with everything either. Some points of resonance included his references to Harriet Tubman, the underground railroad and freedom, and the fact that all of us had come out to that poetry event to hear something which would change us.

Lastly, there were a young group of poets named 'Rhythm of men' who totally smashed it with their poem on youth culture, along with a guy named JJ Bola who was sharing poems encouraging others to 'fly' and to become 'men who are real'. 

This whole night made me understand more deeply that God gave us poetry, prose, words and rhyme for a reason. Through expression, creativity, wisdom, study, thought, guidance and challenge we can explore deeper those reasons laid on God’s heart. But as I said, it's more a choice than anything... :)

Fame, honing skills and K Koke....

(Qualifier: Though in this blog and others I may mention some of the music I've been listening to, it may not be good to listen to for those not called to it. Let God lead and use discernment).

Ok ok, when you thought you'd got rid of me.....I'm back!

This is one of those blog posts where I take time to get my thoughts together so please bear with me. I've been reading a lot recently and something which spoke into my heart was honing my craft. Now what does it mean to hone something?

To hone means to sharpen a tool on a fine grained whetstone...or in terms of a craft (a description maybe easier to swallow) to perfect or make more intense or effective. 

Now my craft consists of two things. My spoken word style (including my rap and spoken word poetry) and my barbering skills.

I realised recently in terms of both I still need to learn a lot. My barbering skills were shown up to be somewhat inadequate in my recent trips to barbershops far and wide. Knowing I can cut hair is a great start, but in terms of detail, quickness, ability, proficiency and experience, I know I ain't there yet......at all.

In terms of the music, yeah I can write...a bit. For over 11 years I've been learning how to put pen to pad, growing in lyrical ability, knowing God has most definitely given me this talent for his purposes. However, only over the last two years I've been challenged in the area of subject matter, how deep into my own personal experiences I'm willing to go and how much I'm willing to learn from other lyricists.

This week after being challenged on a work program I decided to focus in on honing my crafts. Starting with music,  I decided that every week I would learn something that is unique to the particular artist I'm focused on for that week. I started with a UK rapper named K Koke today and listened to his mixtape 'Pure Koke Vol 1' after hearing a few promising reviews.

It began as the typical 'hood mixtape' about not dealing with the police, not snitching, keeping a gun handy, selling substances and not saying you do things you don't do. However, for me anyway I was swiftly able to see a person quite transparent, a person who knew what he was doing was wrong, even through all his boasts about it. He mentioned death, thoughts of heaven and even the fact that he knew he was sinning a few times. Through hearing this mixtape I was challenged to think of those outside, those in ends, those who were humble enough to realise what they were doing was wrong. Those who didn't need anyone to tell them they were sinners. They knew it instinctively. Yet through a feeling of it being a necessary evil to survive, they clung to their sin.

I was challenged to think about how this was his life. Not necessarily written with any special effort so people would think he was hard or to portray a hard life but simply because this was his reality. I was challenged thinking that at times I write to sound like I've seen something, or sometimes preachy street commentaries, but he writes just because he lives it. He is authentic effortlessly because he lived the life and his rhymes are the product of his environment.

I have no authority to speak on the same level about such an environment because though I've been in ghettos, experienced the hardship of others for a time, and lived through little things I've never been pushed deep into the experience of  a day to day personal struggle such as people like K Koke who write from a daily reality. If making it in rap is my goal I may easily focus on the things I see, from a very dimmed view, not really caring about getting to grips with other peoples reality, just trying to propogate my stuff in order to get approval. But if I really want to learn about people and really am interested in their lives and really want to see the gospel brought to the poor, I will forget my selfish dreams and get into their reality, whatever that means.

So what if I don't became famous, so what if people aren't appreciating me for songs I've recorded. That should never have been the aim anyway. The right aim should always have been to draw others into the kingdom, not for self exaltation but through being a servant. I want to get to the end saying I lived for people and not for myself. I sought to get to grips with them. I cared for them. I fulfilled the call of God on my life. I loved people, not because of what they could help me with, just because I was called to and the opportunity was set before me. I loved God because I ran after the desire of his heart, which is greater than any other thing this world can offer- including fame and self propagation.

Desire for fame seeks to have me, but God has called me to a greater reward. Help me focus in.

A simple poem...

Well I hear the call 

To leave all I have behind

So that I might dwell

In my fathers house

And though the way is hard

And though the journey long

Still there's nothing the world can do 

To steal my heart away

Well I pledge myself 

To walk the highest way

So that I might kneel

Before your throne

And even when it feels

Like I am all alone

Still your love wins through

And keeps me travelling on

- Found on a wall at New River: A Jesus Fellowship Community House

Can you reach (out for) my friend....

So I haven't wrote in a while and a lot has gone on. Too much to explain in one blog. In fact, some of it I want to keep a secret for now. But let's continue.

Now I have a friend. I have two friends. Two very different situations but in some ways they are similar. But I'll write of Friend 1 today.

Friend 1: I've known since I was maybe about 14. We grew up in the same city and met on one of those on-line chat sites. It was one of those typical teenage friendships although we had never even seen each other. We liked the same music, we watched the same TV shows. Both of us had dreams to move to America: her 'Flawda' (as she called it) and me more New York sides. The culture and the life just caught us both and we longed to get our green cards and pursue what our hearts were set on. Then things changed.

I moved to Jamaica for 2 years and in the first year I messed around and failed all my exams. She lambasted me for it (even though in the time I was meant to be in school studying, much was spent catching up with her on-line). I fixed up and the next year I got my head down, hardly catching up with her and making sure I passed well. Within a little while of finishing my exams I was on a plane out of Jamaica heading back to Britain via New York, catching up with her slightly during my stay in the US.

When I got back to the UK, it was crunch time. Some things had changed since I'd left and come back. I now was a Christian having made certain decisions in Jamaica, and though I was quite a baby in the faith I had in a very definite way chosen to walk with my master. Now for the first time I was gonna meet her. The girl I'd spent so long speaking to on the phone, on the computer and thinking of as my best friend all these years we'd never met. My heart in my mouth I remember walking into her shop to wait for her. Would she like me? I remember the jump suit I wore, the cap I wore, everything, I could name it's colours, it's make. Maybe not the shoes but the rest is clear in my mind :). I wasn't really thinking in a super romantic way 'cus she was my friend and that she had always been. I was just thinking would she like me as a person. The way I looked, my style and so on, as if that was all people should base deepening friendships on (so superficial).

To tell the truth, we messed about, ran some jokes but I don't think she was that impressed with me. Within a very small period of time I believe we lost contact and that was that. Maybe it was more circumstances than anything but to this day I'm still affected thinking of her. Genuinely I think God has stapled her in my heart, to live and die. It's weird. I've had many friendships built and lost but this one I carry with me.

Now I know the goodness of God, I can't help but want that for her too. For her to know him, to know how much he loves her and to know how much I love her. We talked one day on Facebook last year and we weren't the same people any more. We couldn't talk about the same things. Since then I've longed to know her as a friend again but to no avail. I pray one day and one day soon she would come to know God in the face of Jesus Christ. That's my greatest wish for her. Beyond any reconnection between me and her. Even if we never speak again, that would be enough for me. Though I love her and long to see her again and even rebuild a friendship with her, if that never ever happened but she found her Saviour, that would be enough.

Why do I tell you?  So you can pray too. Just tell God friend 1. He knows who she is.

Bless you.

What do you mean by God...

What do I mean by God when I say God in my blogs?

This challenge came to me the other day when I asked people to pray for me that I get my work done which is going better by the way :).

I said 'pray to God for me' and this was made bold because I always did plan to follow it up.


Well............

Maybe I should start with what I don't mean.

I don't mean myself. This may sound strange to some but some people I know do think they are God or a part of him. I don't. I believe in a God who loves his creation, and who made us in his own image but yet is distinct from his creation. He created all things. We can only create from what he has already created.

I don't mean a multi-faceted, multi named, multi faith God, known as Buddha in some cultures, Allah in others, The Great Architect of the Universe in others still and the Don Quixote in the ones that just don't have a clue. I believe in every culture God has revealed his unchanging character through the things he has made and the things we see everyday around and above us. The day and the night faithfully interchanging. The sun shining on us even when we may have done wrong the day before, showing he is merciful and ready to forgive. The rain falling on us all, showing  he is no respector of persons. Life comes with good and bad times for those who follow God and those who don't. His character doesn't change with the customs of each culture. He is one person with one character and one name, which he reveals to his friends and those who have begun to know him.

I don't mean my God or a God out of many options, or the one I like to call God. There is one God who made the heavens, the planets, the solar system and all we see upon the earth, the trees, the rivers and lakes. He is God (with a big G), there is no other.

I don't mean a distant or impersonal God. I believe in a God who is closer to me now then the keyboard I'm typing on. I believe in one who loves me as a Father loves his child. I believe I am loved by him, yes I believe I am loved. I believe in a God that doesn't stay on the outside to try and change within a person. I believe in a God who comes in, who inhabits those who believe and want to follow him and works to change them from the inside out, making them into new people with new hearts. Into people he sees worthy of him and his presence.

When I say the word God I mean someone who doesn't leave us wondering what he's like but someone who shows us, if only we'd believe it! Someone who shows us in the face of his son, a perfect reflection of his perfect character. Someone unafraid to be restricted by what we're restricted by, even for a time. A body which brings sleep to a God who doesn't sleep, hunger to a God who doesn't need to be sustained and death to a God who doesn't die, just to show us what perfection lives, breathes, and acts like in situations we all find ourselves in. An incarnational God unafraid to step into our shoes because though these human restrictions affected his body, he knew they could never affect his spirit.

When I speak of God, I mean a real Father who loves us and never leaves us.
I mean one who is a Spirit who will live on beyond all restrictions we place on him, and seeks to work deeply in the hearts of those who believe in him.
And I mean one who comes as a Son just to show us in the mask of imperfection what perfection looks like.

This is what I mean by God when I speak of him in my blogs......

Worldviews, nods and signals.....

I found it interesting lately how in the midst of darkness God shines his light through people, sometimes ever so dimly, but it still with intensity. I know God is gonna do great things with this generation Soli Deo gloria!

It's crazy to see how many nods and signalling goes on in today's society, especially among the well known and highly influential. We have the masonic handshakes going around and the illuminati triangle. In the 70's it was the fist which represented black power, and years before that Churchill flipped the V at us (supposedly representing victory in the second world war, which later was adopted by anti-war campaigners as a sign of peace). For years people have seemed to send subliminal nods to the philosophies, organisations and spiritual entities they serve, while most people either scratch their heads, think it's cool so they join in, or simply bypass it through ignorance.

During Wimbledon last year, after each win we saw Andy Murray signal the sky. Some people speculated it points towards a personal faith or an event which marked his life when he was young but the real meaning behind the gesture has stayed secret, because he has kept it so. Some things are more obvious like athletes who wear the cross such as Alyson Felix, someone with no qualms in discussing who she attributes her success to. There was also that athlete who didn't shake Kate Middleton's hand which also strangely enough was an allusion to his own beliefs. Our signals often point to our ideologies and in other words lay down a foundation so that even if everyone else doesn't know, we make it clear to ourselves and our masters, who we serve and what we represent.

I say masters because everyone serves something, be it money and houses, a particular philosophy or God and his glory. This week I was listening to a very well known British singer and her songs cried out to me of something more. With an album dedicated to 'my river' she journeyed through songs of a contemplative mood while pointing to something or someone bigger than it all. When questioned about these allusions she affirmed she 'definitely believed in God and heaven' but in the song Next to me 'I wanted to speak of love and loyalty, and to celebrate good men. This is about God... or your man'. In other words, she was leaving the song open to interpretation.

Sometimes we're so eager to get everything out in one sentence for that 'on the spot conversion', we can miss what God is trying to do.

It isn't bad to preach the gospel in this way but sometimes God is seeking us to work another way. The truth is that the devil is a master of subtlety. He doesn't come up to you with a gun and say shoot yourself. He doesn't tell you that the thing he is leading you to will have detrimental effects on your whole being and for those around you. He tells you 'come have a taste' or 'it's not so bad and you will gain so much through it'. Be the reward a high, money, fame or acceptance, he seeks to draw you into it by hook or crook. Through propogating his worldviews very subtlely, people in the world after checking their natural desires and what they have to gain roll with them almost immediately, even though some need more persuading. Even many Christians who profess to have left the world behind, still carry his ideals in their dreams, their focuses, the things which drive them and what they live for.

The devil will not preach to you come to hell, but will take you there through a succession of planned and calculated steps. As Christians our goal is to lead people to Jesus because he is the only one who can give true life to a dying world. But this same Jesus is the one who said we have to be as wise as serpents, while harmless as doves. When first asked by his disciples about where he lived, he did not make it a full gospel conversation. He said 'come and see', taking them on a journey.

Fools rush in, and times we must be slower, planting what seems like the lesser seeds, and what seems to just be a part of the gospel. God can work on these seeds if we refuse to compromise, and move towards the goal of opening blind eyes and setting the captive free with the wisdom and subtlety of the Spirit. A wise farmer knows what to plant at what time for the ultimate harvest.

Identifiable differences....

I-dent-if-i-a-ble

Diff-er-en-ces

Like when you eye something in your mind

That settles the charisma in ya

This man knew the same culture

Same sculpted lens

But his worldview screams

That he's an individual

We grew up in the same ends

Same friends

Asian rule was blatant up in Sparkhill 

Where we saw the same things

Same park swings

Same corner shops, same sins,

Same robbing chocolate bars

Cus of decayed spends

Saw some brothers had pay

So the gain they'd sport

Others living on scraps 

Man they were greatly poor

We saw Tupacs

Single moms lacing up the bootstraps

And round the corner Will Smiths

Gaze and yawn

Some on the housing

Some with the graceful doors

Some with graffiti on their walls 

Didn't care at all

And some of our hearts were openly depraved

Open to the raise

We got drawn in

Through smoking sim'lar haze

And we would bar it madly

No worries

Just to slap on a new era cap

And fake like in heart we're yankees

But my mind is on the pea

His is on the family

And I be checking out the mama's

While he clings to Daddy

It wasn't always so

But there was a switch in purpose

The same life change that

Known to make a bredrin nervous

Cus he's a different person

And it bears a mark on me

He is a different version

From them one's with hearts of greed

Know I'm a heartless feen

And I got the scars to prove it

He tell me comes to church

But I say my heart's on music

And I will try one day

He doesn't half pursue it

In the end he lets up

Cus I ain't on the pastor movements

But in my heart I'm dying

And this is the biggest difference

You walked right to the altar

I can't even grace the building

My worst fear of all in life

Is the Lord's rejection

But I can't come to him at all

Because I know I'm sinnin'

...............
...................
......................
.............................
.......................................
................................................
........................................................
.................................................
........................................
..............................
........................
....................
................


My child wisdom's what you need

Through the misconceptions

Seems like a maze at times

And that voice is real and pressin'

'Rejection is your portion

You got a dad who never wanted you

And others told your mom

She should accept abortion'


That voice echoes and

You bargain with deceitful lies

That you have to swallow up

The harsh realities of life

And 'cus your uncles run the street

You have to be that guy,

That got a few babymothers

But you'll never see the wife,


And when you speak, if they don't accept you

Then that will wreck you,

Cus you're yet to see

You're a chosen vessel my hand assembled

A vessel's just a cup

But when they drink from you

These men don't know your worth

But still they see in you there's something special


Brother don't run from me,

Just because my peeps imperfect

Because it's sinful men the King expects

To fill the churches

I'm talking mystical

But I will be a father to you

And don't believe the lie

I made you and will give you purpose

A deeper reality.....

It's so interesting. I've written two blogs already this month and somehow if feels like I haven't written any. Time moves slow and much seems to have happened in the last 10 days. Life is always bouncing from situation to situation.

It's so easy to think, especially when you write, that you have nothing to share when you pick up that pen. You can feel tempted to speak about what everyone else speaks about, because you see no value to the world in your own experience. The truth is, even if there's no value in your words for this ever changing world with its frittering fancies, your words have value to God, and when you write them down honestly they can help you to see who you are, where you are, your strong points, your weaknesses, areas in which you can relate with others and what makes you different.

No one will live the life you live. No one will feel the experiences you do in exactly the same way, but the guarantee is when you share your experience someone somewhere will relate. Someone will be encouraged by what you have to say and the way you see things. Someone's perspective will be changed by what you have to say. Someone's life may even be changed by what you have to say....

It's amazing how God can work through what we discard as nothing at times.

A few hours ago I watched this interview with Kendrick Lamar where a broad range of questions were thrown at him. One in particular was why he changed his moniker from K dot to Kendrick Lamar. He said,

'When people heard K dot, they was like...the kid is dope, he could rap but....who is he? You know what I mean. That went on for years. Just another cat in the street that can rap good, right? So I was like you know what. I want people to know who I am as a person and what I represent. So I woke up one morning. I said, 'Look, the best way to start it off is, get with me. My name change, my real name. Something my mother been calling me for years. And this is who I am and I'ma start putting it on records....(it) transcended where I'm putting it on records and it represent me and people accept it, 'cus they can relate. And that was just a mindstate. I felt like, what is an artist if they don't know who they are, the biggest people (that) you felt like you could relate to their story....?

To be real. Why is it so hard. To break out of that shell and accept ourselves for who God made us to be.

We are not clones. We are not just knock offs without value so we have to aspire to be the next Jay Z, the next Russell Simmons, or the next Obama. We don't have to erect religious idols either saying we'd love to be this Christian leader or that scholar. We were fearfully and wonderfully made, and that should be enough.

Many don’t realise well known people struggle with their self-worth too. A lot of these people are slaves to public opinion, positions and possessions. But Jesus came to free us from all that, so we could find our true value…in him.

Today I watched two rappers named Akala and Lowkey do separate Fire in the Booth sessions with Charlie Sloth. Akala was very good at presenting his views on society, how history and books should affect us and how we shouldn't just fall into the stereotypes. Lowkey's strength was wordplay. After hearing Lowkey freestyle on BBC Radio I looked into myself and felt really challenged.

'This man can freestyle so good', I thought, 'but he doesn’t promote what I believe in. He's of a different faith group to me'. Immediately I started looking for his weaknesses. The demon of envy had come up behind me trying to lock me in a chokehold. Then wisdom and revelation spoke. 'There will always be someone better at something than you. But the answer isn't to jump into their arena of giftedness and try to be the best in that area. The answer is to stick to your lane and be who God called you to be'. Slowly Envy skulked away and I was free to appreciate this man's gift, and understand there also was a lane for me because God had carved it.

God's carved it, so I have a race to run. Time to find inspiration, whilst running my lane and being true to who he's made me to be.......