The mirror....

Hello again. I thought I'd write a little note with this blog post because it's a bit more close to home. I struggle a bit with the concept mentioned in this poem. The mirror is probably one of my longest and deepest struggles. Seeing what God sees instead of what glares back at you through the mirror. Seeing God's opinion despite the many opinions of others on where I should be, what I should be and what's wrong with me, both physically, socially, anatomically and comparitively, mostly according to the world's standards. Anyway, let me stop talking. Enjoy the poem.....

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Looking in looking deeper

We're looking into peeps

Seeing things we never thought we'd see

It's kinda in-tress-ting

See him with the vintage grin

At the interval simple... 

Facial features are

Marked like a pimples end

He feels insignificant

And inadequate

When he sees his imperfection

Blatant up in the mirror

He hates the vision granted him

Placed within him

So quickly changed from a man

Of loftiness and self sufficience

To one struggling

For self worth to leave the building

Shame caught him

Timid as the great soul shrinks

Small chinks in the armour debase

It's

Funny when we're rated

Our hearts' feeling great

But when they tear us down

Watch a part dissipate

Of a man who claims he has

Hardness of king kong strength

The mirror

It has the sparks that'll set sons

Off to their purpose

And arsons the headstrong

The mirror

God's one is the best one

You lose heart

If men's hearts are the benchmark

Kick it into gear

Don't let the mirror scare you

God's heart bears

The marks of acceptance

Bordering on religious behaviour....

Warning: This blog entry is not necessarily for the religious, but it is impossible for anyone who reads it to be any other way inclined.
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Now if you got that, I just gotta rate you. If not, read on :)

I have a problem. My problem is namely, all this talk I'm hearing nowadays about I love Christ, I love God but I hate religion (and please hear me out before you put me in a bracket).

Now the other day I was sitting in a barbershop, watching final score and the game had just finished at Old Trafford. They showed the after match scene: Players shook hands, some embraced one another and the crowd filed out of the stadium. I thought 'Man, this is church for them', and it suddenly hit me. What I said was absolutely 100% right. Every year the new kits come out and the season tickets are bought. Every week stadiums are packed to the rafters, fans giving their chants and waiting for their team to do 'em proud. Some of these men haven't stepped foot in a 'religious building' since their teens, but week after week they give their heart and soul to lifting up their team. This is their religion.

Switch to a man that wakes up every day at 7am (sorry, this ain't me as many of you have gathered), shuffles on his shoes, sprays himself up with some reasonable deodorant and gets in the car on his way to work. He reaches in at 8:10 and spends the rest of the day at this desk doing what he needs to do to make ends meet. Though he doesn't know it, this can easily become his religion. Throw it back to a lady, single, free, spends her Saturday afternoons in Birmingham town centre looking for any new deal she can find. Often she comes home with a pair of new jeans. Some weeks it's a new pair of shoes or trainers. She's got 'nuff stuff in her wardrobe and all over the bedroom floor, but she just wants something new. So every week she goes back. Sadly this has become her religion. 

You get the picture. Whether it's the family that sit around their TV every Friday or Saturday night for X Factor, or that man that goes out to sell his weed consistently even in the freezing cold, we all have our religious practices. Now we get to the point. What is religion?

If you're a dictionary man, religion can be a particular system of faith and worship, but also can be a pursuit or interest followed with great devotion.

If you're a Bible reader man, the word religion may not come up much in the scriptures, but when it does it speak of an act of ritual worship or reverence.

A long time ago someone said to me (and I paraphrase), 'If Jesus isn't your Lord, you're gonna be a slave to something else. Now that something maybe your TV, your job or your woman. It may be a football team. It might even be your ego. But it will be something, whether you like it or not'.

I agree with that. And I'm religious I admit that, but I'm seeking after that pure religion. I don't agree with the statement 'Christianity is a relationship with Jesus Christ, not a religion'. That's all too easy.  I believe personally to follow God, you need to create time. You need to create time to commune with him and to do what he's requiring of you. Some of it may be random, true, but a lot of it will be deliberate, or a series of situations made for 'ritual worship or reverence'. Like when you wake up in the morning and praise him before you do anything else. When you go to sleep at night. When you meet with other Christians and so on. 

There is bad, impure and dead religious acts which some people propagate and I don't agree with that. Putting structures and programs before people. Holding to the form without the power. This I believe, is all a result of tradition gone mad, hearts seeking to destroy people for not doing what they do, judgmentalism, inferiority complexes, prides and generally sinful stuff. But there is that pure religion which never seems to grow cold or lose it's spark in God's eyes. Let's be religious, but let's do it right.

'Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you'.

- James 1:27  

Slaves...

As I wade through the waters

Of the slaveships I sought to escape

Caves cover my path

I stay hovering

Behind the shadow of the crag

Stay humbly masked

From the vision of kings

That sail in front of me

Behind the covering of the rock

I stay and watch the thieves

Shackle new prisoners

To lead them to the mortuary

So debauchery caught the peeps

That had sought release

Freedom seekers

Were chained in bonds 

As they fought to breathe

Fit for the slaughter

These ones had sought from the

One sitting on the beast

Dressed in emporial

Linen, she demanded their attention

And they bought from her

Were lured into the sea

By brethren who had courted her......

That whore she has a name

Babylon the great

And she sells her wares to unsuspecting

Mandem on their faith

So don't get caught

By her smiles or her promises

Of glory and honour

In her mansions are only slaves

Decisions and other things......

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I made a decision the other day. God's been calling me to be a celibate for a long time and guess what? Well I finally said a certain yes! I made a choice to take him up on his call. So what does that mean? Well it means I won't be getting married....for starters. Second it means....well I dunno but I know God's got a plan. It's exciting. 

But anyway I thought I would put up this post. Nothing really to do with the above subject. I just thought I'd share that first then share this. Partly felt to post it because for the last week I've found myself becoming kind of smitten with the Catholic Church.

Yeah, that's what I said. 

It's too much to explain now, but I promise I'll get onto it in a future post. Now I'll leave you with this post started on the 10th July this year and left saved in my documents because at the time I wasn't sure whether to post it or not.  Enjoy....

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So I was in town the other day (Birmingham City Centre to non Brummies) and I came across a young lady on the 'Save our packs' campaign. I was out as part of a team talking to people about God. So when two campaigners for different causes meet you expect there to be a trade-off, right?

Well..........let me continue.

I asked her 'Why are you campaigning so late'. It was 10pm. She said she was going back to her Uni, and invited me to continue talking with her as we both headed that way. Firstly I was sharing my life with her, my time at Uni, and how I didn't pursue a career in my field because I wanted to do 'something to do with God'. She was very attentive as I shared and she was doing a very similar course to the one I did. We continued to talk and I found out she was from a Catholic background. She asked me a lot of questions on various things, mostly to do with Protestants (which was her nice way of labelling me) and the practices of some prominent Pentecostal people and churches, which she disagreed with.

Strangely, quite a few things struck me about this lady and many times I was stuck listening or just smiling. These things included:

• How she refused to chew her words, speaking plainly on issues such as tithing, money mismanagement, and 'anointed handkerchiefs'.
• The fact that I agreed with a lot of what she said, though she was a Catholic and I was a so called Protestant.
• The thoughts she had on how her faith should be practiced.
• Her seemingly deep understanding of the Catholic tradition and belief in it.
• Her explanation on the need for structure in the church.

Though I didn't agree with her views on everything, like the need for hierarchy in the church, saint status, the need for relics and other things, I was surprised at how much this young lady knew and how seriously she took her faith, though she wasn't practicing for various reasons. The need for discerning the body of Christ when taking the bread and wine with any confessions or reconciliations made beforehand, the respect she had for authority and laws of the Catholic church concerning women priests, and the fact that she slipped in that 'even though (she) may believe (she’s) called in that area, the word of the authority stands', all left me a bit awestruck. I said so many times realising I'd have to leave the conversation sooner or later how much I enjoyed talking with her.

Something that topped it off was when I asked her if she had a Bible, thinking it would be a New Jerusalem Bible (a newer, simpler Catholic translation) if any. Her answer surprised me. She said she had a Douay Rheims Bible because she prefers accuracy over the simpler phrases in the New Jerusalem one. Her similarities to me caught me off guard, and we'd only been talking an hour! Yet she was Catholic.....and I was not. What a dilemma....or maybe there was something deeper in it. Maybe God was showing me something. 

Though she believed in the practices of Catholicism, some of which I couldn't agree nor reconcile myself with, and though she didn't agree with some of the things which I had said, we had found a common ground. She indeed was a believer in Christ's atonement, his death, his resurrection, his Sonship and his position in the Trinity. And whether I could get with it or not, we were bone of the same bone, and I was called to love her. 

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Questions: Could it be true that for so many years we have been separating ourselves from those who are actually a part of us? 

Could it be that God makes no distinction between Catholics and Protestants, but he's seeking those who are born of him whatever 'titles' they carry? 

Could it be that for years we've been fighting our brothers and sisters when we really should have extended our arms towards them to embrace and love them.........

Definitely food for thought......

Glory in the midst of this....

You get glory in the midst of this, and you're walking with me. And you say I am blessed because of this, so I choose to believe. As I carry this cross, you'll carry me.....

Audrey Assad

I dunno what to say really. God has been faithful. He's honestly carried me through the last two years. I've written of my experiences throughout the last few years but I've never quite saw it in the light of what he's done till today.

The last two years in a summary has been God teaching me about his grace and sustaining power despite my mistakes and disobedience. It's been about him showing me my frailties, prides and weaknesses whilst also showing me that he's still in the work of redeeming. 

It started with a call to go to London. This was the word I was given....

I want you to go to London. I don't want you to be involved in secular work no matter what kind it is. I want you to be a full time evangelist for me. I want you to go.

So what do you do when God gives you a word like that? You go of course. And that's what I did. On a cold October evening I found myself in London with my suitcase, a word, and nowhere to stay. My dad allowed me to go, but my mom was staunch against me leaving. However I went anyway (Later on God told me my error was in my dishonour. No matter how honourable my intentions of serving him, I should have honoured my mother).  

As I reached, I told some friends what God had told me. During my first weeks I did some sofa surfing, and rode the bus one night sleeping on the back seats. I had a night of going to my former uni and sleeping on waiting area chairs and spent time walking about wandering what was gonna happen to me. A Somali man came up to me one night and gave me some encouragement to push to get out of this lifestyle after seeing me ride the buses and his words seemed like the words of an angel to me. I looked at him, saw him leave then followed him desiring to share the gospel with him. Then I stopped short thinking, 'Look at my situation. How could I share the gospel with anyone at this point and them take me seriously’. I seemed to have lost all credibility in my own eyes, so I turned back ashamed.

During that time some friends put me up but I knew I was trying their patience, so I moved on. Some wished me well, hoping I found some accommodation whilst unwilling to put me up themselves. Some put me up, waiting for me to move on. It was easy to tell people's hearts though with their words they did not say much. Others I was afraid to ask. I didn't want them to see my shame. Things were like this for a while until I found a man who I paid a little money upfront and rented a room in his house. So for a month I lived like this, claiming JSA, housing benefit and getting a commission job to try and tide me over. The problem was the job wasn't paying. And I was slowly getting conviction about the word God had given me.

My issue was I felt I was scraping at the barrel just trying to survive. I also forgot about doing the full time evangelist stuff. I said 'God won't mind if I get a job with a Christian organisation. Maybe that's what he meant by the word. So I'll get such a job and do evangelism on the side. That'll be OK'. But at the back of my mind I knew I was reinterpreting God's word to me to save my own skin. At a point I gave up my JSA because I didn't feel I was able to comply with the conditions. I wasn't available to do any kind of work. God had given me a specific word. So at this point I did my best to live on my savings of £7 a week, food and travel included. 

At a point I knew God was telling me to give up all I had in my bank and he would provide for me. I said if I do this, how would I survive? I thought this over for quite a while with dread, and then decided not to do it. The thought of having absolutely nothing and being thrown out on the street absolutely terrified me, and because of that I discarded God's voice and tried to survive on what I had. Within two months all the money I fought so hard to keep had disappeared. And I had nothing. 

I was still going to church 12 miles away but barely. I had no money to get there, trying to fulfil my religious obligations and also what I believed God wanted me to do which was not be on JSA and evangelise. But soon I lost the willpower to even do that, and the strength. 

I now ended up hopeless to do what God had called me to do, and turned my attention to the commission job and the far away benefits of a millionaire's lifestyle which it seemed to promise me if I became good at it. Money seemed like my salvation, so my mind turned to my idols, whose names were comfort and worldly riches. Through wilful disobedience, I felt God was no longer there to help. I called his name and claimed I lived to do his will, but in reality I was chasing comfort with the thought of being able to do his will after I had it, a lifestyle which God does not honour. Those who are disobedient in order to get into a position to do God's will will never be trusted or honoured with God's presence and direction once they get there. 

Thankfully God had mercy on me. In one more effort, on New Years’ Day 2011 I felt God said to me (I paraphrase)

You are not in my perfect will. You're not doing what I asked you to do. Either do what I've asked you to do or forget it.

At that point I knew what he was talking about. I knew what I had to do and soon I was on the phone to my boss. After quitting my commission work, I went back to full time evangelism. I told those at my church what I was gonna do, and that I had quit the job. Some warned me about people who have ended up as nothing following their own way trying to establish positions for themselves. Honestly I thought nothing of titles and the sort, but I can't lie and say I wasn't desirous of vainglory. God knows I was in error, but that was my heart. The pastor was unhappy I had not consulted him beforehand and subsequently I was subjected to much ridicule from the pulpit. I eventually brushed it off and continued on. I admit that in all my humiliation, I was still quite proud. It causes me to identify completely with Joseph the dreamer. I was a young, boastful irritant to my brethren and those in positions of authority over me. However as time went on, things have started to change as I’ve gone through my experiences, as they did with Joseph.

I've mentioned what happened after these events in previous posts such as The way God works and Being changed. In fact all my blog entries seem to piece together in some kind of weird way. It reminds me of the scripture quoted below...

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

- Romans 8:28

It's surely true that God is working things together for us, despite our mistakes. My life is a testimony of that. Though it's hard to see sometimes how he can fix what we've done, we can trust him. He is God after all. And he can turn anything around for good for those who love him. Those who he has called to bring him glory.

Stay Blessed

Meditations Part 5...

Seeing is believing


Feeling is receiving


A burden


To let your soul feed on an experience


That every night, many guys


Slowly come to terms with


A life their told they've chosen


As broken as the church is


And soulless as a dirge can be


They merge with their surroundings


As pee takers take a pee


On those that's sleeping soundly


A man beaten


That was on the news the other day


Just for sleeping rough, abused


The vulnerable are nothing new


So I take a sip of chocolate


Thinking that I just went


And gave a brer my packed lunch


Appeasin' up my conscience


But greed had really fuelled my offer


Cus I wasn't really


Feeling them sandwiches


Was feeling for a one spend


So I appeased my purchase


With my charity


Not understanding


Jesus seeing my hypocrisy


Got that nice facade


Of a Christian philanthropist


But the damage based in


Sin when you dismantle it


That it's not about you


But it's all about me


Pride hidden in the system


That I'm established in


They say we love the poor


People say we love the poor


While some of us chillin'


In our buildings living happily


Not a thought is spent upon them


Nor is this thing centred on them


But we tryna make sure we survive


Through our bed of problems


Peeps take a backseat


When your thinking often


Of building up your businesses


And of increasing numbers


People aren't statistics


Jesus rolled with misfits


Who never had a clue


But that's who he served the vision


Chose 12, 1 left


But he preferred the Christians


Who chose to follow him to death


And were reserved a kingdom


Conferred upon 'em


Nah, you never heard him wrong


The poor in spirit


Are the ones he died to purchase from


A life of death


Sometimes we forget their plight


At times to love the poor


We just need better sight....

Behind all the glitz and glamour...

I'm tired right now, but I'm gonna do my best to write this blog. It's important....

For two out of the last three nights I've been out with Birmingham Homeless Support and Outreach (BHSO). What started as an experiment, continued as a chance to see the other side of Birmingham's streets. Behind all the glitz and glamour of the Bullring Shopping Centre and the fancy Mailbox and new roadworks for a new tram system and train station to enlarge Birmingham's reputation as the UK's second city, stands something people overlook, ignore, shut their eyes to and shun. The homeless.

Now who's walked past that Big Issue seller in the street, that beggar with his little bowl, or that man that comes and asks for spare change. I admit. I have. Today, last week and the week before. Why? Because I don't have any money. Because I need to get receipts for everything I spend. Cus I've got to go somewhere quickly. Cus the person I'm with looks at him in disgust. Cus I can't stand to part with a penny of MY money. The list is endless.

Tell him go get a job. He'll only spend it on fags and alcohol so why bother. It won't help him in the long run. Also the reasons to scorn those asking for money seem to be endless. But what if you choose to look deeper? What if you allow it to break your heart for a minute? What if you give up your life and take on theirs for a night?

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Wednesday night: What do I see? Turn by the side of Nando's in Paradise forum and you see a group of people looking maybe like they're about to start a riot. But nah, that's not what they're gonna do. They're waiting for the curry to be brought. To get their snack on. For the person who's coming to feed them. Who is that person you ask?  That's easy. It's a few Muslim men and women who've come to share with the people food, water, pop and meet their need.

Now there's two things I can do as a Christian in that situation. Scorn these Muslims and write off the reasons there doing it as some ulterior motive and maybe seek to something similar and try and put them to shame. Or the second, ask myself that difficult question. Ask myself why I haven't looked at the need and addressed the problem before this? Why when someone asks me for something do I close my heart? Why am I not out on the streets, doing what they're doing, not because I wants to enter some religious competition but because I care for these people? Why hasn't the need penetrated my heart, as it seems to have done others?

Switch to the BHSO team. A bunch of lads (and a girl). Terrible jokes and often quite coarse language permeate their conversation, but the need has penetrated their heart. Some have a quiet faith, a few aren't sure if they believe or not, but because they've experienced that side of life and their consciences won't let them be quiet they are now out on the streets every day making a difference. What does that say to us? Us with all the knowledge, the theology in our minds, the dogma in our speech. Does it say that some people who don't speak the way you would like, who don't have the financial means you do, who haven't necessarily read the Bible as much as you have, have the heart and sensitivity to human vulnerability and pain to observe Christ's teachings and minister his life more than you do. You whom claim you're 'a better Christian' in speech, knowledge and conduct. What shame should fill your soul.

Now I won't say they've got it all together but they're out there, no front, no facade, no desire for honour or accolades, and they're doing it. It sends chills up my spine thinking of every excuse I make and will make. Shame into my heart whenever I think of the profession I declare, and the shame of how my actions betray my words.

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Wednesday night: a man died in a car park in Birmingham town centre, 20 something, sleeping rough. Probably won't make the news. Tonight: two ladies, middle aged, are out in the freezing Birmingham streets, keeping their eyes open most of the night to avoid someone trying something. They've been doing that for a week and a half. And tonight, we'll be sleeping in our beds, maybe reading a book beforehand, hoping we'll get enough hours on our nice mattresses, preparing for tomorrow, still blind to the need. It's an interesting contrast.

Choosing and refusing.....

He shall eat curds and honey when he knows how to refuse the evil and choose the good.

- The Prophet Isaiah

 

What are curds? Is honey really that appetising? Well unless you're Pooh bear or someone with a sweet tooth, these references may not sound that amazing.

 

 

Now we all know about the land of milk and honey. That place of paradise where the richness of natural goodness fills our tastebuds. That sweet Beulah land. Ahhhh. All these references to the promised land makes me think of Mahalia Jackson singing one of them old negro spirituals......but back to the topic at hand. What does all this talk about the promised land mean to a person still in or just coming out of their wilderness experience?

 

Why I refer to the wilderness is because this is where I feel I've been for the best part of 2 years. It's a humbling experience. You lose everything you've ever relied on as 'security' and learn to really believe that God is 'all in all' and he knows what he's doing. You learn to rely on his truth and hold to it in the face of adversity, doubts (inside yourself and from outside sources) and deception (also inside and out). All in all your heart and your faith is tested, and if you're a 'dud', God well and truly will find you out. As I said it's been a humbling experience.

I remember a time in university when God seemed silent. My observation was 'it seems like I used to just say 'Holy Spirit come', and he would come and 'do this' and he would do it. Now it's like he seems so far away (though I hadn't changed a thing)'. I was young in my faith and was used to everything happening straight away, God showing signs to encourage my faith which made me have a sense God was at my beck and call, rather than me being at his. Then suddenly I would seek him and no answer. Things seemed hard, my evangelism seemed hard, everything in the spirit seemed to have stopped flowing as it used to.

I was encouraged by a sister in the faith to chase after God, as he had moved forward and was desiring I come after him. I didn't seem to heed the call immediately. God gave me grace.

The other day God spoke saying it's a time of making decisions. A time I would leave the comfort of having every choice made for me, and a time when I would be expected to make strong decisions myself. In other words, he was teaching me to move in discernment, to work out that which is good from that which is not, and make good, controlled, wilful decisions.

As I think of this, I remember this word I heard a long time back.

'For everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil' a

Now milk is liquid. Curds are solid (just a thought).....

When God takes us out of our comfort zone, he really takes us out. To that place where we are susceptible to making mistakes. Yet he says he will help us. He will not leave us alone. He will guide us through........from the sidelines. Close, but not too close. Until we know how to discern that which is evil from that which is good.

Why, you may ask. Why, I actually did ask.....

 Guess it's time to allow the training wheels to be taken off...

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a- Hebrews 5:13-14

 

Blessings to share Part 2....

But the one who endures to the end will be saved.

                                                                                      - Jesus

Today my blessing to share is a man named David Wilkerson.

2011 among many things marked the deaths of two Christian legends of recent times. The world may not have heard of them. To the world they may have just been two old men who lived out their course, but to God, they're lives are as important as the air we breathe. Their names- John Stott and the man mentioned above, the blessing I'd like to share with you.

Now the story goes as follows. One day, a man was sitting in his house reading a magazine, and caught sight of an article which immediately drew him. There was the picture of several young men from New York City, recently charged with murder. Something moved inside him and he knew God was calling him to do something. In February 1958 aged 26, he moved from his church in Pennsylvania to New York, in the hope of reaching out to street youths just like these ones. This man was David Wilkerson. There he would meet Nicky Cruz and one of the most notorious gangs in NYC at the time, the Mau Maus. Nicky and many of the Mau Maus actually became Christians over the course of time (though some did turn back to their old lives, some not living long enough to turn back again). God used this man to reach out to the lowest of the low. In the heavens his name will never be forgotten.

To me he is an example of steadfastness and endurance, spending over 50 years in the service of the Lord. Now some of us will make it to the end, still serving God. Some won't. Some will fall away, some will give up, some will get tired and no longer consider the road worth treading. But some will be at the point of giving up and God himself will strengthen them. Some will have their head face down in the dirt, having been battered and bruised by the devil and God will make them to stand, as they trust in him and not their own weakness.

There are times when we feel to give up, it's true. There are times when we feel like throwing in the towel. There are times when we know God is strong but we are so weak we are unsure how much longer we can carry on. I had one of those times this week. But I know I would rather die, knowing God took me than to be destroyed by the enemy, because I gave up. I know I would rather lose my life a double amputee, but still in God's service than to lose my life having not endured. In whatever situation God puts us in we must endure, until he brings us through it. He is more than able, as I am finding out. When we ask God for strength in the hard times, he is faithful to answer us.

David Wilkerson did it. John Stott ran the race and won the prize, having endured to the end. Will we do the same? Each one of us can do more than we think we can. Keep going.

Blessings to share part 1...

Evening, or morning or afternoon, depending on when you're reading this. This post was planned as a quick testimony to God's providence and faithfulness even in my doubts, yet time has moved on, and as always I have more to tell about something completely different.....

But first of all I AM going to tell the original story. I don't know about you, but I think it's good to remember and speak about what God's done for us, even if life does go on. Now let me set the scene...

For weeks, months and actually 1 year and a half, I have been looking into learning to barber. The idea would come and go like a thought in the wind but I think some point last year was the first time when I actually picked up some clippers and razored a head! Originally when I mentioned the idea I was discouraged from it by those I spoke to about it. Some thought because I'd done a degree in Engineering it was silly and actually crazy to think about going into such a field. Some thought I should get out of this fantasy world and look into getting full time employment. I thought everyone just wanted to kill the dream inside me, but I bit my tongue (well in the end I did!) and delved into the world of 'work just for the sake of paying the rent'. Yet, 'the barbering idea' never quite left me. The truth was during this time, though I didn't know it at first, I was learning how to endure, working in jobs I didn't enjoy and holding on. God was in fact working through others for my good.

Flash-forward to two months ago. In the house, having finished my temp work 3 months before that which I actually survived (though I felt like quitting countless times), and back on jobseekers allowance. As per regular I was on a diversion from my job search looking up barbering courses and I came across this one in West Thames College. '10 week course' the advert said 'It will teach you techniques such as clipper work, scissor work '........Nice.

Price: £210 no concessions. Not so nice.

I had no way to save this up and living in Christian community, all things in common, saving some money on the side from any funds I had coming in was a big 'No-no'. I had to discuss the whole thing with an elder in my house in the end. He was quite reasonable. 'If you can get it sorted, I have no problem with you doing it'. The 'all clear' was given. Now, how to get it sorted. My thoughts turned to sponsorship.

While still praying about it, I whizzed round with my sponsor sheet mentioning it to people and at the same time seeing if God was moving it forward. With three days left before the course start date, I called up the college and they landed me with a huge bummer. £89 to be added on for equipment costs! I had collected £100 altogether, and my heart was sinking. Maybe God wasn't in it after all.

I had just been reading a book on a man who God seemed to provide for at vital times, without this man's own hand forcing so much to make things happen. I thought 'Maybe I've been striving too much, why haven't I just allowed God to do it. I've been so anxious. I think it's time to give it to God'. So I did. I refused to collect any more money, even from those I'd previously asked and prepared to give all the cash back I had originally collected. If this was God's will, he would do it himself, I would not seek him to bless me moving in my own strength.

Next day, I go to my voluntary workplace. The manager asked me, 'how are your collections going'. I basically explained to her what had been going on and told her I was giving the money back. She said something which intrigued me. 'It's funny but i was looking online for courses the other day for myself and I came across a barbering course. I think it's around £100'. It was at the college near where she lived. As my eyebrows raised, I asked her for the website. Trying to get online I found it wasn't working but they provided us with a telephone number.  Immediately I rang and asked them about the course. They explained the details but with another blow. It was not around £100, it was £352! My manager whispered to me, ask them how much it is for someone on jobseekers. So I did. The lady on the line said 'Oh, it's free. Just bring your evidences'. So I just started the course last Monday.

1 year NVQ, course free of charge, £93.21 for barbering kit from their suppliers and £5 registration fee.

Now remember the £100 which had been raised through the sponsor sheet. You do the maths.... 

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If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is

- 2 Timothy 2:13       

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