There's a man...

There's a man

That cries tears of sadness

For his children struggling

Dying for life

He stretches his hands out yelling 

'Can't anybody hear me'

Muffled cries of hope, cries of anguish,

Muffled through the stereos 

Of bass boomers and boom blasters,

Muffled through the voices 

Of entertainment crying out

I dont need a man

I don't need a father

I don't need none of your Jesus

I'm happy enough by myself, living life 

I've got all I need 

right

here

__________________________________________

There's a man

That cries tears of sadness

For his children struggling

Dying for life

He stretches out his hands

And dies

For a people who are fine

without him

 

Being changed....

Today is the anniversary of when my life was changed!

No I wasn't converted on 25/02/11, but that is when my life and beliefs changed. Subsequently that changed my view of God, my way of life and my thoughts on what the good news of Jesus actually entailed. (So in a way I guess I really was converted :D)

I wasn't a Muslim, Buddhist, Sikh or Hindu suddenly catching a glimpse of the God who the Christians worship. But I was a 'Christian' catching a glimpse of the God who the Christians worship. The one who is compassionate and gracious. The one who is altogether lovely. The one who sent his son to die for us. And the one who actually loves me, not in theory but practically :).

The whole journey started with £7-£10 in my bank account, a one way ticket to Oxford, and no ticket for the actual event I was going to (which was sold out). Heidi Baker, my favourite Christian speaker was gonna be @ the Next Generation Conference and I had to be there. However as I said tickets were sold out and there was nothing being sold on the door. This didn't discourage me though. I still was on the train, I still had organised a place to stay at, through a link I had (and I'd be meeting my host for the first time ever when reaching my destination!). The pitfalls however were:

• I didn't know how I was gonna get back. Tickets were £5-£10 on train and bearing in mind my bank balance I was hanging on a prayer.
• I didn't know how I'd pay for the conference. Tickets were £25.
• I didn't know how I'd get in.

No matter the problems, I arrived in Oxford, found my contact and headed to the church where the conference was being held. To cut a long story short I got in to the conference (which was £25 and sold out), got a CD of the church worship band (priced at £9.99), ate more than my belly could take of food that weekend, and got back home to Hayes, Middlesex (which was £5) all for £15, £5 of which I paid. How you ask? I serve a God who moves with grace and by faith.

What happened at that conference? I saw love. Through a group of people who had come for the same reason I had. To experience God, and to hear about his love. But not just through them though. Through the same woman I'd heard about and come to see, a lady who moved by the Spirit of God and who also knew what it was to love God and love people. After all was said and done she asked me a question I'll never forget. 'What can I do for you, my precious son?'. And I said to her, 'I want to know how to love'. Her answer set me on a journey...

Fear....

“If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.”    
                                                                   - Albert Einstein

The other day I met a dreadlocked brother on the Jesus Army campaign by the Birmingham Town Hall. He asked me a question on what I thought about not believing in Jesus and its ties with eternal punishment. He himself was searching for the truth, but the question was birthed out of meeting a lot of christians whose only basis for following God or preaching about him was because they themselves were fearful of going to hell. We spoke about the motivation of fear vs the motivation of love. The fact is our service to God normally springs out of one or the other.

I speak about God these days more increasingly because of the love I have for him, but it wasn't always this way. One illustration can be put like this.

When I was younger (early teenage years) I feared my Dad. Why?
Because I knew if I pushed him to his limit I was liable to recieve the punishment on my backside, and for a time, it preserved me from committing any notable evils either towards my brothers or sisters or on road :).
When I grew older (late teens, early 20's) I still feared my dad. Why?
Because I had a great respect (fear) for the wisdom God had put in him to help me when I had issues, the way he grew us up, and the way he sincerely cared about us.

What's the difference? The way in which I feared him changed. One was out of fear of punishment, and one was out of respect for his character and who he was as a person and a father.

Sometimes, this is the dilemma we face. We've always been taught to fear God, but how should we fear him? Should we be scared of hell? Should this be our motivation to share and proclaim the gospel?.........No.......not if we're in Jesus and sincerely believe in all he's done for us. But we should respect him, and stand in awe of all he is. Isn't this simple revelation of who he is, how many of us came into the faith in the first place?

'There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love'. a
There is a type of fear which involves punishment and we'd be wise to stay clean away from that. Especially if we want to serve God out of a true heart. The service he desires is that which is birthed out of love. But then again, we can only truly love him when we realise how much and how deeply he loves us. But thats another topic......




a- 1 John 4:18

Meditations Pt 1.....

This is an 'I don't know how many' part series of random thoughts, poems and meditations which come to mind. Hopefully I'll just go with the flow. The idea is to sprinkle them in as blogs whenever they come to mind. Let me know your thoughts :)

_________________________________________________________________



Lord, why do I waste so much time,

Grace is fine, but sometimes,

I want to be the man who has it all together,

Who reads when he's sposta read,

Speaks when he's sposta speak,

And heals when he's sposta heal,

I feel like,

I feel too much,

And I'm not enough of a machine,

I mean,

I am a spirit,

and I have a brain,

And if I pay too much attention to my soul,

I may go insane,

Relating to everyone in terms of emotion,

When the best decisions are made when you analyse a situation,

But

What happens when you bypass the soul,
Bypass the mind,
Bypass what you feel like doing,

And move by faith?

Grace is there to show you,

You're free to fail,

But how will you fail,

If you never took the risk,

How will you live if you never lived,

Not for the sake of things which have no basis,

But for that which lives on forever,

Grace is a ticket to so much more,

Knowing that yes you got it wrong,

Did what you shouldn't have,

Hurt people in the process,

But God still believes in you,

And you can still get back up again,

Knowing you don't have to be scared of yourself,
Your opinions, or this world around you,

Just of doing things to others which you would hate to be done to yourself,

Just of living a life below what God created you to live

 You have value,

Which is not dictated by money, professions, houses nor material possessions,

But is shaped and measured by the one who created you for his pleasure,

And is found when you dare to trust him with your heart

Trust God, don't waste your life being a slave to fear

But rather use this time to love.

And release......

Just closed down my Facebook account, for the FINAL time. It was a tough decision but an important one.....

These were the opening words to my recent blog on 'Compromise'.
Sometimes you have to laugh at yourself. Otherwise you'd cry. Looking at my blog from two weeks ago, I realised it didn't take me long to reach back on Facebook. All of one week.

As I looked at the post in question, many thoughts came to my mind.
'You're mistake is there now for the whole world to see. Where's the integrity you wrote of.....you compromised', said a voice within me.
And I couldn't ignore it. I couldn't sugarcoat it. As far as I was concerned, I had.

A thought came to me 'You could doctor the post, it's your blog', but No that wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be honest.
'You could leave Facebook again', but what if I was right to go back on and there was a purpose behind it.
'Then again you could play it off because you didn't say you wouldn't open it again, just that you wouldn't close it. You could style it out'......The deceptions of the enemy are always so appealing when trying to save face.....

But having an honest heart is better than looking good on the outside (and that's what I want when all's said and done).

'It's better to be honest, then to pretend like everything's alright. God sees the true picture behind your outward profession and exterior. When you open things up, he can step in and heal'.

I heard this a while ago and it's quite true. So let me pose these questions.

Why do you see someone who's been a man of the cloth for years suddenly get exposed, and only then admit that he's been sexually abusing boys entrusted to his care?

Why do we see someone speaking with passion against certain sins only to be caught secretly partaking in similar ones themselves?

Why do so many make confessions of faith like, 'I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am the head and not the tail, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I believe the love God has for me', only to end up living life out of feelings of inadequacy, pain, guilt, and the shame of never measuring up to what they believe is expected of them?

Maybe, just maybe it's not a question of ‘that's just who we are’, but a question of ‘how open and honest are we willing to be?’

The greatest thing is when we 'expose' our thoughts, feelings and actions, in the arms of our Father and through his true family we find no condemnation.....only release and love.....

In conclusion, I do feel like I compromised. It’s so easy to do the cliché and say ‘It was God’s leading’, and though this may be true in some cases, in others it’s a cover up. As for me, I’m unsure. At this point, I leave it to God so he can have his say….  

Mistakes...

'God does not always guide us with messages sent before we make a decision. He expects us to make decisions, and to step out on the basis of faith to do what looks like the right thing, and to change our minds only if we are impressed by the Spirit or by the Lord that a decision is wrong'
                                                                                    -Ray Stedman

I was waiting at a bus stop the other day in Birmingham City Centre. Off the bus jumps a smiley young guy, no older than me. After thanking the driver he came into our bus shelter. 'God loves you' he said. After a satisfactory response from one person, he turned to the next until one lady looked away from him and didn't respond. His facial expression suddenly switched and he suddenly became serious. He began to say in a loud voice to everyone in the shelter 'God loves you' but he wasn't smiling anymore. Then he began to preach the gospel. It was an amazing sight. Also a very discouraging one to the Christians looking on. 

One Christian lady just looked at the ground. The lady who caused the onslaught seemed to be praying for the bus to come asap. I was just taking in all that I was seeing and thoughts were running through my mind. I can't stop him but I don't know what to do. So I waited. After the bus came and everyone rushed on, I intentionally missed it to talk to him. We talked for a while about the importance of being genuine, connecting with people, letting the gospel go deeper in (to ourselves), and not just preaching to people but speaking to people.

Why was I so bothered? Why didn't I just jump on when everyone else did?

Because I'd made the same mistake in the past. I used to be that guy who would switch facial expressions when I'd say 'God loves you' and get it thrown back in my face. I used to be that person convinced that if someone ignored me, I had to drive the gospel into them, for fear of either them being eternally separated from God or me being left with blood on my hands.

I was the person who had to learn that the gospel is more than words, and has to touch my heart before it touches anyone elses. I was the person who had to learn how to love. I still am that person learning to love....

It's good to realise that we have made, and are susceptible to making a lot more mistakes. If we don't, chances are we'll never be able to touch the heart of another person who is just as human, and just as fallible as we are.

________________________________________________________________
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?- Matthew 7:3