Heart line..

'I put my heart on the line for you, My heart on the line for you...'  

                                                   - Craig David

Once again, back is the incredible.. Lol.
Hey people :). I wanted to talk about love..

Now this is not one of those soppy emotionally driven posts about finding the one (lol though I know some of y'all wouldn't mind that). This is mainly a post to share what's been on my mind. About a week and a half back I put up a status on my facebook asking 'How do you know if you love someone?'. 

Fresh from a trip to go see a friend I was taken aback when they told me they loved me and I was trying to figure it out. I mean this person was someone I'd known for a while, but in certain ways we hardly knew each other. So this made me think, can that profession be legitimate? Can I love someone I'm in the early stages of really getting to know?

Now most of the people who really know me, and even those that don't, know I get my direction from my faith and that I try to walk inspired by the words God gives. As I've been reading I've been noticing a lot lately that in the Bible there's more than one occasion where someone 'loved' someone within minutes of meeting them. 

Now love at first sight.. is that a thing?
Well I think it may well be possible.

When I asked this question last week someone described the symptoms of love in the following manner..

...you have a connection based on shared experience, you feel like 'you get them' and want to see them thrive, you have empathy and compassion for them, affection, kindness, respect, etc. It's cultivated over time if there's a mutual willingness to be authentic and to grow together...

In the end I realised it was not so in the case with the friend mentioned, though on my part I think a seed of love was there. I mean, I genuinely did sense all of those things and sought growth for this potential partner. I think love is greater than romantic feelings, but all true romantic feelings that will last will be built on a foundation of true love, as long as it is present. Love grows, but the truth is, the seed of it must always be present beforehand.

With God's help, we can grow and mature into all we're meant to be. But as we do, let us not forget to mature in love..

Unleashing the voice..

So, I'm back.
Funny this is the second time in a month. Wonder what's happening to me. It's beautiful I guess when the writing bug comes to say hello..

I have been all over the place in the last week, both physically and internally. Busking and freestyling have become parts of the 'things that I do', and since starting I've been steadily progressing with my new found passions. This has brought me to Ladbroke Grove, Harlesden and Shepherd's Bush, attempting to share some of what I've been gifted with.

To be honest, the feeling is quite liberating. The last time I did anything like this was when I used to do street preaching a good 7 years back. I feel the gift I have seems to have been repackaged, but the heart remains the same.

From early, God has placed in me a desire to connect with the human heart and so now I use my music to fulfill that desire. Everything I do and study tends to come from that place of connecting.

Today I was watching some clips from the last of Obama's white house correspondent dinners. This was interesting as I tend not to watch Obama talk so often. When he was president I never watched a speech, never read an article he wrote and the only thing I remember hearing from him was that address he made after they killed Bin Laden.

Not that I wasn't interested but, to put it plainly in hearing the general overview and seeing some of the things he said while on the election trail, I had no respect for the man and didn't really wanna get caught up in the hype..

I know.. shocking.. :-o

But anyway, in watching this I learned a lot, simply through seeing the charisma the man speaks and moves with. I mean it's documented, but I feel you can do a lot with charisma, with lightheartedness, and with a thirst to see things change.

At the moment I'm learning a lot about  what is needed for my own voice to break through. I'm learning from people I can get with and people I can't really get with, because the truth is, no matter who you are, people draw to people often because of something they have.

Whether that thing be charisma, freestyle ability, the ability to dream big or outright confidence, attraction is the key, and these things often open up the door for conversation.

And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous wealth, so that when it fails they may receive you into the eternal dwellings 

(Luke 16 vs 9) 

We all have things which will only serve us in this world. Things which we can use to build relationships

Let's work with and work on what we've been given. Even if it's not for ourselves it's worth the trouble, as you never know. Someone's future may depend on it..

Taking stock..

Hey guys,

Really don't know if anyone is following anymore. I've been ghost for a minute.
Today also may be more a bible study than anything else but I need to go through..

The last piece I wrote on here was a poem after my cousin died. Something that helped me get through it. You see, writing helps me get through. Sometimes I forget that.

Writing helps me to resolve issues of the mind that are perplexing me. It helps me make sense of life. For some understanding comes through speaking things out. For me it's more writing them down.

Many things have challenged me, and I often think how much have I grown in the time since I last wrote. Sure I've moved higher and further on in my music and grown in my barbering skills but spiritually I wonder honestly how far I've advanced.

In ways I guess spiritual growth is similar to physical growth. Often by looking at ourselves in the now, we can't tell if we've grown and can get discouraged. But when looking at old pictures or talking to people who knew us in a previous stage of life, we can begin to understand where we are now compared to where we used to be. With God levels are different also, as he measures growth in a totally different way to us.

In the Bible, when speaking of growth God often talks about virtue. In the process of spiritual growth, becoming virtuous is important. But what is virtue?

In the dictionary, virtue is behaviour showing high moral standards. 

Yesterday I was speaking with someone I know about friends with faith who don't seem to live this faith out. A cognitive dissonance of sorts. Where we profess one thing, yet live to a standard which can seem quite out of line with our beliefs.

Sure faith is the foundation but once we have grown in faith, our moral standard must begin to match up.

'For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge..' - 2 Peter 1:5

Our moral excellence must then be added to by a knowledge that is based on experience. In other words to cement virtue, we have to gain some practical experience in living it out.

Through this, our faith begins to be built on deeper foundations. Through choosing to be virtuous in normal and testing times we begin to live a life of moral excellence, by it being ingrained into us through our constant practice of it. We also start to know what virtue is for real, because we experience a God who constantly lives it out toward us.

So in terms of this, have I seen spiritual growth since I've last written? Have I begun to exercise virtue more or am I still at the same place?

Being honest, I'm unsure..

Maybe it's time to take stock..

The sting...

At times the poems stop
Words dry up
Speech can't be found
Death comes, looking for

Peace when the heaviness
Descends from a cloud
Makes struggle seem messy
And hope feel irrelevant

Soul seeming penitent
Bow under now's message
Present it surrounds
The heavens have endowed blessing

Feels like we're just getting by
Forgettin like elephants
We coulda stopped stepping
But the only thing that kept us was

Grace from the lounge steady
Ever praying bretherin
Have asked for us, everything
We have still is heaven sent

Death has taken kin,
And emotions are negative but,
God bless us in our souls
Give us messages of

Life let us win

A matter of love....

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

- Peter, the rock

Back again. Did you miss me? :). Just been pondering a couple things and I thought it was time to bring up a very popular topic. Love. 

Not romantic love, though it has it's place. Not love for God though it is the greatest of all things we can experience and reciprocate. But brotherly love.

Recently I read an interview with Michelle Williams on the performance of 'Take my hand, Precious Lord' by Beyonce at this years Grammy's. Her comments were centred on the general Christian reaction and subsequent criticisms of this performance. Now if you ask anyone that knows me, I am not one who is partial to Beyonce's music in the slightest (except maybe some of the early Destiny's child albums where they were so vibrant, so fresh and so... cool). However, one thing which struck me about Michelle's comments were her obvious love for her friend and how she stood in defence of what she saw as critical judgements which had no basis. Her words were, 'I didn't know only certain people could sing gospel'. And the funny thing is, I didn't either. 

Now God calls his people, to in turn call people into the kingdom of God. I don't know where Beyonce is with her spirituality, but I know she has a friend who is seeking the completeness of her heart for Jesus. I'm reminded of the relationship Cece Winans had with Whitney Houston, which caused her to never give up hope that her friend would come fully through. So in the years she gave herself to damaging relationships and battled addiction, in the times the media tarnished her name and many criticised and sidelined her, there was a faithful friend defending, praying for and lifting her up before the only one who could bring true change.

Therefore I'm challenged. I wonder if we would be able to let go of our biases and opinions for just long enough to catch a glimpse of the divine plan. God loved the world didn't he? True, not the spirit which rules within it, but the people that move within it are quite literally those he'd give up everything for.

I guess in the end the main question is not whether people are worthy enough to sing the gospel but if we see all people as worthy enough to have a chance at receiving the gospel. Our answer to this question will determine our love...

Looking forward...

I don't write the first line of a song. It's a mistake, because then you have to come up with the second one. If you write backwards from the chorus line, which is usually the hook, then you usually come up with it.
                                                     - Sting (from the Police)

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards....
                                                    - Steve Jobs


It's an interesting day. Today I'm looking to tomorrow, as tomorrow may be the start of the rest of my life.

A long time ago I wrote a blog about making the decision to say yes to God about celibacy.

For the past year or maybe two, I've been grappling with God about where my desires lie, having desires at times for marriage and at other times for singleness. Living in a world where marriage is the norm it isn't hard to see where my desires came from for the former. Coming from a background of a two parent home and seeing some of my really close friends enter stable relationships and marry during the past year, has inspired me to consider whether that may be my path.

Saying that, it's been a weird process. The thought of, 'how could God be leading me in that direction, when he so very clearly called me to take up celibacy years before' has continually played on my mind. I've had dreams where I've asked God 'Is this for a time', and the response was 'If you can believe, it can be for always'. I've known a peace as I've read scriptures about lifelong singleness and been ready in my heart to walk through such a commitment. Yet in all of this whenever I've sought to vow to a life of singleness, God has been clear in his leading that in terms of a vow of commitment, this is not the road he has for me.

Now I haven't been in a relationship for over 7 years. Sometimes I'm quite content and sometimes not. Throughout this time the only consistency has been God's grace. As with any other young man I've had times where hormones have increased and lust has become an unwanted friend. At times I've thought of pursuing a relationship with women close to me, and even at times others who were very attractive to me, though they had only appeared for a little time.

Sometimes singleness has seemed a burden, while at other times one of the greatest blessings. I remember going to a local park a few months back for a Jazz festival. As I sat back with no cares, just sweet Jazz in my ears and no need to run off anywhere I thought, 'I'm so glad I'm single right now, just to enjoy and bask in this'.

I admit it was a sweet feeling. But I had to realise deep down that life calls me to more than that.

It's nice to be single, not to have cares or responsibilities. But if that's the only reason we choose to be single we're missing something. The reason we're challenged to consider celibacy as a lifelong call is so we can be free to do the Lord's work, not to satisfy our own desires for unburdened freedom.

So now I'm looking to tomorrow. I don't know what tomorrow holds but I know God is in it. I don't know what to say about the past and how I feel about it but I know I have no regrets. For me, singleness was for a time.

A page has turned and it makes me smile. In the last few months God has shown me and others that something new is on the cards and I need to prepare for it. I feel released to move into a time of pursuit and it brings me great joy, especially as the one I'm looking at seems to have my heart, even before tomorrow has come.

What a thought...

Late night lessons...

So on Thursday night I went for a walk cus I felt I needed to talk to God.

A few months back I left a good job in faith, with the knowing that he had something better for me. I also knew he wanted me to do what he had placed on my heart, and that I would not be satisfied until I did. 2 months later, after an interesting Christmas period where I lost a part time job I thought was gonna be my saving grace, and finished at a barbershop where I thought I would grow and flourish I was left jobless, except for the opportunity to go self employed by building clientele.

I've remained in good spirits feeling God would provide, through both blessings and losses.

That night however I hit a low.

I thought of how much of a failure people must think I am, having left my job and having no promise of a future before me.

I felt ashamed that I cared so much about what people thought and couldn't just follow the path and be who he wanted me to be.

I felt myself a fool and a failure and after slipping out a swear word in my frustration I felt 'God, how can you use me. I'm just a man. I have no strength in myself to do this'.

As I was thinking on some of these things I passed an old CofE church. Some guys of another faith were rolling up their weed on the church door step and I passed them by. All of a sudden I got a strong inkling I should go back and talk to them about Jesus.

Now I haven't talked to anyone out of the blue about Jesus in a one on one situation for almost 2 years. Over the past year and a half, stopping random people and entering conversations of faith has become a major challenge for me. I also felt 'God, how could you use me to do that after how I just used my mouth'. But God isn't a respector of persons. He will work with the worst of sinners to reach those he wants to reach. So I said Ok.

Turning back I began a conversation and began to tell them my story. With no objections they listened to all I had to say from his death and it's implications to the changes Christ has personally made in me. And then we shook hands, finished with some small talk and I left.

I never once told them to move from the doorstep, though they thought that was why I had turned back. I just told them about him as he'd told me to. I can't explain the joy that filled me as I walked home. I started to understand why he put me here, and that it was bigger than the barbering, bigger than part time jobs and bigger than the music I do. He wanted me to realise my fulfillment comes through trusting and doing what he's asked me to do. And as long as I keep focused on what he's asked me to do, I won't have to worry about the rest.

God is faithful and if we are willing and obedient, he will put us in the places we need to be and give us the work he wants us to do, all for his honour and glory.

In honouring him we receive his joy, and in this a true servant of Christ will find fulfillment.

#newyearsblessings