A matter of love....

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

- Peter, the rock

Back again. Did you miss me? :). Just been pondering a couple things and I thought it was time to bring up a very popular topic. Love. 

Not romantic love, though it has it's place. Not love for God though it is the greatest of all things we can experience and reciprocate. But brotherly love.

Recently I read an interview with Michelle Williams on the performance of 'Take my hand, Precious Lord' by Beyonce at this years Grammy's. Her comments were centred on the general Christian reaction and subsequent criticisms of this performance. Now if you ask anyone that knows me, I am not one who is partial to Beyonce's music in the slightest (except maybe some of the early Destiny's child albums where they were so vibrant, so fresh and so... cool). However, one thing which struck me about Michelle's comments were her obvious love for her friend and how she stood in defence of what she saw as critical judgements which had no basis. Her words were, 'I didn't know only certain people could sing gospel'. And the funny thing is, I didn't either. 

Now God calls his people, to in turn call people into the kingdom of God. I don't know where Beyonce is with her spirituality, but I know she has a friend who is seeking the completeness of her heart for Jesus. I'm reminded of the relationship Cece Winans had with Whitney Houston, which caused her to never give up hope that her friend would come fully through. So in the years she gave herself to damaging relationships and battled addiction, in the times the media tarnished her name and many criticised and sidelined her, there was a faithful friend defending, praying for and lifting her up before the only one who could bring true change.

Therefore I'm challenged. I wonder if we would be able to let go of our biases and opinions for just long enough to catch a glimpse of the divine plan. God loved the world didn't he? True, not the spirit which rules within it, but the people that move within it are quite literally those he'd give up everything for.

I guess in the end the main question is not whether people are worthy enough to sing the gospel but if we see all people as worthy enough to have a chance at receiving the gospel. Our answer to this question will determine our love...

Looking forward...

I don't write the first line of a song. It's a mistake, because then you have to come up with the second one. If you write backwards from the chorus line, which is usually the hook, then you usually come up with it.
                                                     - Sting (from the Police)

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards....
                                                    - Steve Jobs


It's an interesting day. Today I'm looking to tomorrow, as tomorrow may be the start of the rest of my life.

A long time ago I wrote a blog about making the decision to say yes to God about celibacy.

For the past year or maybe two, I've been grappling with God about where my desires lie, having desires at times for marriage and at other times for singleness. Living in a world where marriage is the norm it isn't hard to see where my desires came from for the former. Coming from a background of a two parent home and seeing some of my really close friends enter stable relationships and marry during the past year, has inspired me to consider whether that may be my path.

Saying that, it's been a weird process. The thought of, 'how could God be leading me in that direction, when he so very clearly called me to take up celibacy years before' has continually played on my mind. I've had dreams where I've asked God 'Is this for a time', and the response was 'If you can believe, it can be for always'. I've known a peace as I've read scriptures about lifelong singleness and been ready in my heart to walk through such a commitment. Yet in all of this whenever I've sought to vow to a life of singleness, God has been clear in his leading that in terms of a vow of commitment, this is not the road he has for me.

Now I haven't been in a relationship for over 7 years. Sometimes I'm quite content and sometimes not. Throughout this time the only consistency has been God's grace. As with any other young man I've had times where hormones have increased and lust has become an unwanted friend. At times I've thought of pursuing a relationship with women close to me, and even at times others who were very attractive to me, though they had only appeared for a little time.

Sometimes singleness has seemed a burden, while at other times one of the greatest blessings. I remember going to a local park a few months back for a Jazz festival. As I sat back with no cares, just sweet Jazz in my ears and no need to run off anywhere I thought, 'I'm so glad I'm single right now, just to enjoy and bask in this'.

I admit it was a sweet feeling. But I had to realise deep down that life calls me to more than that.

It's nice to be single, not to have cares or responsibilities. But if that's the only reason we choose to be single we're missing something. The reason we're challenged to consider celibacy as a lifelong call is so we can be free to do the Lord's work, not to satisfy our own desires for unburdened freedom.

So now I'm looking to tomorrow. I don't know what tomorrow holds but I know God is in it. I don't know what to say about the past and how I feel about it but I know I have no regrets. For me, singleness was for a time.

A page has turned and it makes me smile. In the last few months God has shown me and others that something new is on the cards and I need to prepare for it. I feel released to move into a time of pursuit and it brings me great joy, especially as the one I'm looking at seems to have my heart, even before tomorrow has come.

What a thought...

Late night lessons...

So on Thursday night I went for a walk cus I felt I needed to talk to God.

A few months back I left a good job in faith, with the knowing that he had something better for me. I also knew he wanted me to do what he had placed on my heart, and that I would not be satisfied until I did. 2 months later, after an interesting Christmas period where I lost a part time job I thought was gonna be my saving grace, and finished at a barbershop where I thought I would grow and flourish I was left jobless, except for the opportunity to go self employed by building clientele.

I've remained in good spirits feeling God would provide, through both blessings and losses.

That night however I hit a low.

I thought of how much of a failure people must think I am, having left my job and having no promise of a future before me.

I felt ashamed that I cared so much about what people thought and couldn't just follow the path and be who he wanted me to be.

I felt myself a fool and a failure and after slipping out a swear word in my frustration I felt 'God, how can you use me. I'm just a man. I have no strength in myself to do this'.

As I was thinking on some of these things I passed an old CofE church. Some guys of another faith were rolling up their weed on the church door step and I passed them by. All of a sudden I got a strong inkling I should go back and talk to them about Jesus.

Now I haven't talked to anyone out of the blue about Jesus in a one on one situation for almost 2 years. Over the past year and a half, stopping random people and entering conversations of faith has become a major challenge for me. I also felt 'God, how could you use me to do that after how I just used my mouth'. But God isn't a respector of persons. He will work with the worst of sinners to reach those he wants to reach. So I said Ok.

Turning back I began a conversation and began to tell them my story. With no objections they listened to all I had to say from his death and it's implications to the changes Christ has personally made in me. And then we shook hands, finished with some small talk and I left.

I never once told them to move from the doorstep, though they thought that was why I had turned back. I just told them about him as he'd told me to. I can't explain the joy that filled me as I walked home. I started to understand why he put me here, and that it was bigger than the barbering, bigger than part time jobs and bigger than the music I do. He wanted me to realise my fulfillment comes through trusting and doing what he's asked me to do. And as long as I keep focused on what he's asked me to do, I won't have to worry about the rest.

God is faithful and if we are willing and obedient, he will put us in the places we need to be and give us the work he wants us to do, all for his honour and glory.

In honouring him we receive his joy, and in this a true servant of Christ will find fulfillment.

#newyearsblessings